Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
