i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
