i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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