At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
