Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
