I am in a vortex of obligation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
