1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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