really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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