I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
