Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
