You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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