Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
