Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
