Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
