I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
