WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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