i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
