1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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