I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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