why didn't you poke me back
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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