Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
