it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
