Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
