I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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