saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
