I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
