oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
