i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
