He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
