I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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