i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
