I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
