Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
