my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
