Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
