Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
