Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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