Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
