Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
