now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
