i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
