i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
