i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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