I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
