A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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