Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
