Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
