She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
