His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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