I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
