So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
