i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
