We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
