Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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