Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and she was petting her beer can
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
