It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
