:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
