My hand turned me down
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
