Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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