so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize