Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
