remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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