Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
