Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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