SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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