We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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