Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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