I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
