Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
