2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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