Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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