Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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